New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
