even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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