i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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