I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
