Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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