I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
