And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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