I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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