Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
