I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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