Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
