In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
