I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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