i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
