White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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