I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You took a bar mat shot.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
