I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
