ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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