I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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