I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
