my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
