Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
