My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
