I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize