you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
