well I can't set my house on fire every night
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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