I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
