My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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