I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
farters have to be the big spoon...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
