I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
