I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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