Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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