Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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