wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
