So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
