I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
