you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
