Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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