I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
