I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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