it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
