Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
