I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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