Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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