well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
