for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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