i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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