I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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