When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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