I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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