I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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