We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
