Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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