I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
