I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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