He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
