Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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