Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
