i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
