In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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