I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
