Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
