If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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