she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
