Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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