He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
