i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
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after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
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i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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