If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Never underestimate the power of titties
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