I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I looked at my own cervix.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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