Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
