the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
